I 'Give Up"

January 26, 2012

I give up! How often have we heard our children say that or someone close to us say that about a situation? How often have we thought they gave up too soon or they should have tried harder or any of the hundred other thoughts that typically cross our minds in such situations? My question today, is there a time when we need to give up for the sake of the other people involved?

I have been reading, When I Lay My Isaac Down by Carol Kent for the last few weeks and have come to the very startling conclusion that I needed to give up. My life has been one of control. We all do it. In some cases control is the best thing we can do but how often are we (or have I) been blind to the fact that letting go is the best thing we (I) can do?

So what did I give up on today? I gave up on my son. I gave up MY hopes and dreams for him and opened my eyes to the fact that in “protecting” him I had in fact been damaging his wings to fly on his own. Have you ever watched a butterfly come out of a cocoon? Butterflies struggle to break free of the bonds of the cocoon fibers then rest exhausted from the effort until their wings gradually unfold so they can fly. If you “help” the butterfly free itself, the wings never unfold and the butterfly cannot fly. They need the struggle to unfold their wings to their full potential so they can survive and fly through life. Without the struggle they die!

My son and so many other young people in this world need their parents to step out of the way to let them struggle. We are so protective as parents we think we are doing them a favor by shielding them from the struggles of life. We want to see them have a better life then we did growing up.  It was the struggles in our lives that made us the people we are today. Trial and error in decision making are the only way our wings become strong enough to fly. In hovering over and protecting our children from life we rob them of the very chances we want them to have.

So today, I’m stepping out of the way of my son and his decisions. Will I be there if HE ASKS for advice, sure what kind of mother would I be if I weren’t? Will he come live with me? NO! He must be given the chance to be out on his own and make his own mistakes. If he’s hungry can he come over to eat? Once in a while but not everyday. It is in the struggles of life my child becomes stronger and I want him to be the strongest man he can possibly be in life. It’s called tough love for a reason. I don’t think it’s tough on the person we give it to but tough on us as we watch them struggle. It’s the greatest gift we can give our children. So…I give up! I give up my son’s life to the God who gave him to me. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for him now.